Report: Whole lotta nuthin

Went to Kaiser this AM for the crucial MRI I have been waiting 8 days for. 8 days of wondering what the hell is up with me. I sat in the MRI tube for a half hour with the thing sound like a bad tunning session at a punk rock sound check. I was calm. The ring on my finger was buzzing and shaking and I was tranquil.

They pull me out of the tube and are getting ready to inject me with some sort of tracer. The guys asks, "do you have any kidney problems?" Somewhat in disbelief I say, "Why yes."
"Oh. I better check with the radiologist to see if we can do this second half of the test."

Long story short... The second set of "contrast" images were not taken. I am trying to find out if what we have is going to work. Essentially, is half the test is going to be enough to move forward? Either that or I have to do a do-over. That potentially means another 8 damn days of waiting for an appointment! Directed rage with nowhere to point it.
I've called all the docs and left messages... heard nuthin back yet. Waiting again.

Gratitude:
Chickenhawk
Janice
Bill and a trip to Manderes
Yllib
Matt for being so freakin' solid
Lisa for her ears
Kelley my hero.
Everyone that has reached out

Thanks for reading

I Need to Remember.

American Beauty.
I loved this movie from the day I first saw it. This is my favorite part.

Gratitude

I just went back and read over my old posts and realized what a "down the rabbit hole" story this is turning out to be. Well I would have been perfectly happy to write a blog about what mileage I did today. What ride I went on. How the training was going. A blog that only another cyclist would even remotely care about. Once in a while I'd do a political rant that would be incoherent to anyone but me. And I'd link to stuff that seemed funny, informative or friendly. FIF. FIoF.!! Well it 'aint like that, so htfu and read on.

There is still no official diagnosis for what is ailing me right now. I have still a series of tests that I need to do before we will know what I have. That is what my team is telling me. You know you are in the shit if the people in your life are being referred to as your "team." That is not what normal life feels like. In normal life there is no competition compared to this. I feel the sense of a team forming around me. Doctors, family, friends, co-workers, community are starting to rally for a fight. It is not like we are coming together for a party like we did for my birthday a year ago. This feels like it is a fight.

So here I sit. In gratitude. For what is around me. A mother and father who care like only parents can. A brother that would walk through the gates of hell with me and keep me calm the whole way through.

And then there is my wife. The chickenhawk. She is my hero. As far as I can tell she is a lot tougher than me. She always has been. It started on our honeymoon when she out-toughed me there. She has been out-toughing me my whole adult life. I have loved every minute of it. I could go on and on about how absolutely lucky and honored I feel to have her at my side right now. She has gone up to the front, settled in and kicking over a pace that would make a seasoned pro want to up his EPO dosage. I've got a feeling she plans on taking a long pull.

It feels like we are in for a punchy battle. Dam, I'm lucky to have a team. Lets get to work.

Death Ride Memories

That is Terry and I topping out on Carson Pass last summer. The fifth pass always seems to drag on and on. I had caught up to a small group that she was riding with on the way up to Picketts junction. I was feeling pretty knackered at that point but when I saw her I got all fired up. I rode through the group and Terry followed my wheel out and up to Picketts. After sitting and drinking coke and eating potato chips at the feed zone for a while we started out again.

It was really windy going across hope valley. Feeling strong, I sat on the front and pulled. Terry echeloned off to my side out of the wind.

We stopped at the Blue Lakes road turn off. The Chickenhawk was there with the kids. Adam was there banging the hell out a aluminum pot with a wooden spoon. Jennifer was there taking pictures. That's where my profile shot came from. A bunch of the Veloloco families were there cheering. We just stopped for a minute and then went back to the climb.

From there, the road turns upwards for the final couple of miles to the top of Carson Pass. After about a half mile I cracked. It was the typical trip into the dark tunnel vision cave. My speed dropped in half and just wanted to get off my bike. "I'm loosing it Terry."

"No your not." said Terry. She comes around me and starts to pull. I focused on her back tire and we went slowly, ever so slowly up to the top of the pass. She could have easily ridden away from me at that point but she sat in a led me up that last climb. Finishing the Death Ride is always a mind over matter sort of thing for a puddin' like me. Getting to the top with Terry was a peak experience. When that picture was shot, we were both completely stoked.

Terry called the photo people and tracked that shot down recently. It was no small effort. Last night they came over for fish tacos and chatting. She brought the picture and the chickenhawk scanned it. Terry's story is hers to tell. All I can says is that in light of recent events in our lives, that photo is particularly poignant. Next Death Ride that I do, I sincerely hope to ride it with my friend Terry.

Lets Not get all fired up here

I've been saying the serenity prayer a lot lately and it is working. I am tranquil. I have no diagnosis yet so there is nothing for me to do. I am sitting in and doing what I know how to do. I'm working, I'm hanging with the family and drinking maybe a little more beer than usual.
Bill and Tori both came over last night and we drank limoncello, beer and margaritas then a little Flor de Cana.
Kid 1 and I went down to Kaiser Roseville to get some more blood drawn for further testing. She held my hand while I got stuck by the needle. We had lunch at Carls Jr. She loves her some chicken strips. While we ate I talked to her about what is going on. For a 6 year old she took it really calmly.

When we got home there was Jennifer and Ray over for a visit. Love those guys! Ray has done quite well in the Bay Area cyclocross series. More about that later over on Veloloco. Ray brought over a bunch of spare parts with which to build up Curtis Hincapie's (well earned nick name) cross bike. I am all over that.

I am keeping busy. I am doing great! I dont yet know what is going and I refuse to get freaked out about it until there is something to do. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes.
Gratitude:
Chickenhawk
Kiddles
Friends
KT
Bill
yllib
family
My co-workers
Low Interest rates

Embrace the puddin

Picked this up from the Unholy Roluer. I cringe to admit, this is the results I got on my first try. I was hoping for Jack but answering honestly.

Which Lost Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Charlie is a puddin. I guess I've got to embrace the puddin. If you are a Lost fan go take the quiz and report back here. If you are not a Lost fan... Dont get started unless you are ready to have your brain sucked out of thorugh your eye sockets and into the television screen. Or if you are looking for something to keep you occupied while you ride the trainer.

HTFU

I came to recognize a couple few years ago that I am an athlete. I never thought of myself as one growing up . I always had a sport I was into but I never thought of myself as an athlete until I started road biking back in 2000. As a road biker I have learned to embrace suffering. Frankly, I started liking pushing myself to the edge of the is mentally and physical limit back in '89 when I was a firefighter with the USFS and was at the fires of '88 in Yellowstone. We worked as much as 29 hours in a shift and hiked, god knows how many miles in a day ,while eating hardly anything and digging "cutting" fireline. It was hard work. I got in shape for it by riding my bike all winter. I liked the work and the challenge but I could not stand the tweakers I was working with.
After that I got into whitewater kayaking and raft guiding. That is what lead me to the Coloma Valley. If you are a serious river runner you will eventually end up here. Maybe for a day or two maybe you will get stuck here. Coloma is to North American whitewater what Roubiax is to European cycling. To me and most of my best friends it is home. Temperate climates, it hardly ever snows and is warm during the summer. It is perfect in the summer for whitewater sports. It is a bit hot in the summer for road riding. But we are at the foot of the Sierras and all you have to do is start climbing and it'll cool off.
Whitewater is great. I'll always be a river runner. There is no where I'd rather be than nankoweap. But whitewater is not the best sport for me as the father of two girls. No matter how you slice it. You are going to be gone most of the day to go paddling and that does not work when you want to have a relationship with your kids.
So when we started having kids, I found my way back to the bike. An hour out the front door and I can get in a great work out. Two hours and I am on a good small adventure. Any more than that is gravy.
As I rode I wanted more and more from myself. Pretty quickly finishing the Death Ride became a goal. Then cutting my time down. And cutting my time down again. I never have been a good climber. I am almost always the last to the top of the climb. Nevertheless I choose a 130 mile 16,000 ft climb fest for my annual challenge. It is the suffering and the challenge that I crave. That and being out there with my friends in such a beautiful place doing something so significant yet silly.
The doctor called with the results of the Bone Scan. My bones are changing. He was really concerned with getting me in for an MRI right away. He told me, "Let me be frank with you Mr. Sorelegs, we are trying to rule out cancer." I hope you, dear reader, never have this conversation with your doctor. My MRI is scheduled for next Thursday the 31st. My plan is to call daily for cancellations. It has worked in the past. The next step after that is a bone biopsy under a CT scan so they can hit the right spot.
I am ready. Bring it on. I know how to suffer. I know how to dig deeper and I will fight. With everything I have. Others have come before me. If they can do it I can do it.
This blog was meant to be about bike riding in the place that I consider to be the most perfect place in the world. Maybe that is still what it is going to be about. For now it is about the harsh realities of an otherwise charmed and perfect life. Sit in, I'll pull.
Gratitude:

• My Life So Far
• The next steps
• My girls
• The chickenhawk
• My family
• My community
• Doctor KT