Wednesday, July 16, 2008

catching up

I have written a couple of posts in the last 10 days that I have not been able to find the energy to post. It has been a rough 10 days but getting better now. The kids are up in Oregon with their Aunt and Uncle with Grandparents assist. The Chickenhawk has focused all of her attention on helping me get better.

For my part, I have been battling nausea. The fact that I am posting should say a lot about how I am feeling. I have the energy to sit at the computer and write. That means that I have been able to keep food down. Two or three days ago we went to the ER because I was not able to keep water down. They put me on fluids and gave me a good prescription to zoforan which seems to be the only drug that really curbs the nausea. We knew that but all of the prior prescriptions that i had got for the drug were for one or two days worth of pills. So I would run out and start barfing all over. The ER doc figured out how to override the computer default that got the short order and we are off to the races. In the last couple of days I have been able to eat solids like cereal and a bowl of pasta. Last night I even had a bean a cheese burrito! I have also acquired a taste for Sprite. I never was a soda fan until now, I cant get enough of the stuff.

So the last 10 days was really hard but I had some great visitors during that time. I have felt really rich in friendships with all those that have taken time to visit with me. The time has gone quicker and moreover, I feel a sense of my worth in the world in spending time with my good friends.
I am going to cut this post short since I feel my energy fading.
Thanks for reading.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I am still in the fight

As I go back over this post I realize that my brain is not working very well at all. I have lost the ability to write in such a way that really brings my reader along for the process. I apologize. Below is what I have managed to put together for you.

I have been away from Internet accesses for a long time. After my last (2 second] post. Here is what I have done.

1.Long drive home with Granny doped out of my mind on anti nausea and dope drugs.

2. Spent several (a couple) very nauseous days at home doing daily injections to increase white blood cells for harvesting.

3. Ate very few solid foods

4.Went from too skinny 163lbs. to scary 148.

5. On Tuesday night got a fever, went to the ER at Roseville and spent Wed. thru Sat in the hospital.

The hospital was great. Lots had been going on at home. Granny had flown out to help me thought this (First) two and a half week phase of the BMT. However, before she left her hubby came down with some very scary symptoms. Granny stayed good to her word and flew out to help me thought the first part of this phase, going to Stanford for a Chemo injection. While we were in the middle of Chemo her hubby went in for a biopsy. The biopsy came back with some bad news and Granny rightfully flew home to start the hideous phase of determining how bad her beloved husbands cancer is. Right now we are waiting for more results but either way he has got cancer and my best goes out to him. No one deserves this mess and in seems more and more to me like the ones that deserves it the least get it.

Anyhow Granny leaving left us in some significant need. Her jobs was to take care of me. The ChickenHawk got on the phone and got sister Cris (aunt Cris) AKA little blue scwhinn on the message board. Cris hopped the next plane from SoCal and jumped in as full time kid wrangler. She is one of best kid wranglers this side of the Rockies. She took the kids on lots of great local outing while making sure they had lots of fun time at home. Cris you helped us immensly in a real time of need. There are very few people that could help the way you did and we can thank you enough. Mike thanks for letting her come. It was huge for us.

I started writing this post yesterday while I was having the first round of stem cells removed from my body in a process called aphersis. It took me one day. I now have a two week break before I start the process again. (A big chemo Injection) then daily injections to boost my White cells. Feeling like crap. Breathing through a filter and eating special foods.
najor nausea. This is all stuff that I have had to do for the last two weeks so I am feeling relieved that I don't have to for now.

I spend my time combating anxiety by telling myself that the fears that I feel about eating and living were created by the Chemo that I took 12 days ago. Most of those side effects are out of my body and I can live my life again. That is mostly working and with the help of Ativan I am almost all the way there. That means no more basket case until we start the whole thing over in about two weeks. That is OK I've got two weeks off. I am going to try to eat and exercise as much as possible for the next two weeks.

So right now it is very quite around the house. The kids are in Oregon for the summer and we miss them dearly. I want to take this moment to reach out an say thanks to all that have helped us so far with meals, planing, babysitting, housework, logistical support, driving, spotting me, dancing with Sarah, and so many other things. I am at a loss how to say thanks. While I was in the hospital I spent a lot of time alone and it was really good for me. I enjoyed it because I got to think of all of my friends; what you are going through right now, what you are working on, your successes, your challenges. I am really proud that I know you. You are the fuel that burns my inner fire. So do me a favor, in the next two weeks, send an email, give a call, leave a comment. I want to know what is going on with you!

Thanks for reading and again I apologize for the scattered writing