I am tired as all hell. I've lost about 10lbs that I didn't have to lose. Fitness is back in the toilet. I got out of breath fixing a flat on the Chickenhawk's mountain bike.
I did get my long lost sense of smell back. Funny though, I can only smell one thing and I smell it all the time. It sort of smells like electrical fire.
As you might guess, I am filled with mixed feelings.
- I am off of morphine and anti depressants.
- I am home.
- It is spring in the foothills, and all those other life affirming things.
- On some level, I want morphine.
- I now feel the highs and lows of life. The lows are dark and evil. The highs are great.
- I have taken a big step backward in my ability to function.
- Despite the above, my expectations of myself are high
- I can take 10 mgs of ambien and still not sleep.
It is all temporary. I am in the moment, this is just another step forward, even if it feels backward.
OK I have a big list of stuff to get done. Thanks for reading