It has truly been the worst week yet. It started with Nausea that I wrote about. We got that more or less under control with prilosec and so I have been feeling less like barfing all the time. I started radiation treatment on the tumor on my clavicle on Thursday. On Thursday night I noticed an increased level of pain in the clavicle but thought not much of it. On Friday I went for my next radiation treatment and everything went just fine. I woke up on Saturday in an incredible amount of pain. It is hard to describe the pain but it felt like a broken bone x10.
Daughter one and two had both come down with symptoms of strep throat so the chickenhawk took them down the hill to kaiser for diagnosis. While they were out my pain started to really build. Granny was with me and doing her best to take care of me but all I could do was lay there and moan. They came home with antibiotics and the C/H clicked into taking care of me mode. She called doctor KT who made yet another house call. She sat by my bedside and kept giving me more and more liquid morphine until the pain got to a bearable level. Finally I felt good enough to watch Fight Club on the little DVD player. What a great movie. The whole day yesterday is a blur. I just remember being in pain and watching the movie and that is about it. I did do lot of fantasizing about riding my mountain bike and sailing in the Sea of Cortez. I think the pain is related to the radiation treatment so I am going to talk with the doc about discontinuing it.
I hate the end of the day the most. It seems like that is the time of day when I focus the most on my plight. People always give me great feedback about my positive attitude and I do feel like I am mostly positive but when it is time to go to bed I often just feel terrible. My body has been hijacked and I'm only a small bit of the way through the battle to get it back. Sometimes I just cant believe that I have to keep going through this. It is a really long and hard battle and there aren't really any breaks just weird semi-comatose sleep that is hard to wake up from. So last night I broke down and cried again before I went to sleep.
I woke this morning and the sun was out and the pain had subsided. I am completely exhausted to the point where I am having trouble keeping my eyes open to write this post. At least there is a lull in the battle right now. That's all I've got for now. I'll try to write something witty and insightful next time.
Thanks to everyone who is helping in so many ways.