What the Bleep. I posted this a couple of days ago. I know it was up because I got some comments on it but blogger put it back in my "drafts" bucket and took it off the blog. So here it is again. My apologies.
Hi there. Feels like I haven’t been able to get as many posts out lately as I want. I told myself yesterday, “self, no posts until you finish your taxes.” Well, I made a good sized dent in them yesterday so I decided today was a good day for a post.
First the update, and then the fund stuff: I discontinued the radiation treatment on Monday. The pain that I experienced over the weekend was almost certainly from inflation caused by the radiation treatment. The spot that they were working on is on my left clavicle. There is a big old tumor there and it was getting inflamed from the radiation. That in turn was pushing on the nerves that run down the clavicle and causing intense pain. The radiation oncologist response was,” just take a bunch of non-steroidal anti inflammatory.” That just shows he doesn’t know me very well… I cannot take N.s.a.i.d’s due to my kidney problems. So it was a pretty easy decision to bag the treatments all together. That means I don’t have to make the 1hour one way commute down to Roseville all week and all next week and I am glad to have the time back. Bummer that it isn’t going to work for me but at least it was just a side treatment designed to just treat the pain in my clavicle in the first place. It was not a primary treatment. I’ll be fine without it.
So my week has been pretty good since then. I am taking long naps in the afternoons. Waking up at 10 AM and going to bed at 10 PM. Mostly I have been feeling good.
Matt Barnes came over today to be Spencer spotter while the c/h, kids, granny and gramps hiked the Monroe ridge trail. It was great hanging out with Matt. We did a lot of talking about the stuff that is important to us and how pursuing your passion is such an important part of being a happy person.
That reminded me that I’ve been wanting to write about that for some time. It seems to me that one of the things that defines us as humans is what we do for our spirits. The fact that almost each and every one of us has something that we do on a regular basis that helps us transcend the weekly beat down of life. For me it was cycling. Throwing my leg over the bike and putting in miles was the thing that I did to keep my head straight amidst all the noise and distraction of the demands of life. It gave me joy and a sense of freedom. It also gave me a sense of limitlessness in that I could go farther and farther on the bike and was only limited by my own body and how long I would hold up. When I was on my bike there was just me, the bike, the road, and my friends. No work, no family problems, no stress. That was my passion.
Almost everyone I know has something that they pursue as their passion. Religious folks go to church on Sunday, surfers look for the perfect wave, skiers spend their lives looking for the ultimate powder day and the list goes on. It seems to me that the healthiest people both of mind and body are the ones that have a passion and devote a good part of their lives to pursuing that passion. It also seems to me that the opposite is true. People that don’t have a developed sense of passion pursuit tend to be the grumpiest most out of shape people around. It seems to me that most substance abusers are lacking a passion. I don’t know if one is the symptom of the other but they do seem to go hand in hand.
Another thing that I have noticed is that like attracts like. I firmly believe that a big part of the reason that I have so many friends old and new coming out of the woodwork to support me through this is because I have spent my whole life in pursuit of my passions. At time is has been climbing, sailing, surfing, kayaking, rafting, etc. Each of those pursuits has put me in the company of other folks that were equally as passionate about those activities. From that common passion long term bonds of friendship have developed and from there, community has grown.
Right now when I am the most hammered, I have the least to be passionate about. I can’t really do anything. It is a pretty big effort on most days to sit at the computer and write a bog post, but its what I’ve got for now. Consequently I feel pretty ripped off. I spend a lot of my time fantasizing about what I am going to do when I get done with this. I feel like I have got pay myself back for months of missing out on the part of life that to me makes it worth living. I am not sure how that is going to take shape but I do know that I am going to have to pay myself back.
So I have a question for you dear readers. What is it that you do to transcend the weekly beatdown. Please leave your answer in the comments. Please note, if you have had trouble leaving comments in the past, I have made it easier. You should not have to sign up for a blogger account you should be able to do it pretty easily and I'd love to hear from you.