My Kappa Free Light Chain test was drawn last Friday, I met with the doc yesterday and the results were already in, which is unusual. They were the best we could hope for; they are within normal ranges! The cancer is out of me. My body should begin to heal. The bones should already be starting to repair themselves. It hasn’t really sunken in yet. I cried for a few minutes in the doctor’s office yesterday but I have yet to feel a big sense of relief.
I have had SO MUCH bad news in the last year. At every point where things could go bad or worse they went worse. At every point where there was 30% (or whatever) chance that I would get some complication from some treatment I would get the complication. Then there were the complications that were completely random like Fanconi Sydrome that just kicked my butt. Let’s not forget that I have fought off now two infections in the last couple of weeks. After so many conversations with doctors where the tone is grave, and I end up saying, “OK let’s do that treatment too, I can handle it.” The doctor leaves the room and I cry and bracing myself for the next insult to my body and often dignity.
My guard is way up. This must be similar to how a soldier feels returning to life after being in battle.
This is the guy who tries to live in gratitude as much as possible. I try to count my blessings all the time. Maybe I have lost track of that lately.
Here is the Blessing Count: Cancer out of my blood, being married to the ChickenHawk, two beautiful daughters, a wonderful supportive family, a community that is the best that I can imagine and helped my family through a really really rough patch, I have a job to go back to and the list could go on and on.
OK , that helped. It is a big transition. I can start making long term plans again. I will see my kids grow. I will be a husband to my wife rather than a patient. I can plan on a future instead of saying, “that would be nice to do… if I’m feeling up to it.” Training will have meaning, like I’m not gonna’ die before whatever-it-is that I am training for.
Still, my life is different than it was a year ago. I am still trying to find the new normal. I’ll do it one step at a time.
There is more to write but I’m tired. I’ll try to post more soon.
Thanks for reading and thanks for your support