Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Good News, The Best Possible News

My Kappa Free Light Chain test was drawn last Friday, I met with the doc yesterday and the results were already in, which is unusual. They were the best we could hope for; they are within normal ranges! The cancer is out of me. My body should begin to heal. The bones should already be starting to repair themselves. It hasn’t really sunken in yet. I cried for a few minutes in the doctor’s office yesterday but I have yet to feel a big sense of relief.

I have had SO MUCH bad news in the last year. At every point where things could go bad or worse they went worse. At every point where there was 30% (or whatever) chance that I would get some complication from some treatment I would get the complication. Then there were the complications that were completely random like Fanconi Sydrome that just kicked my butt. Let’s not forget that I have fought off now two infections in the last couple of weeks. After so many conversations with doctors where the tone is grave, and I end up saying, “OK let’s do that treatment too, I can handle it.” The doctor leaves the room and I cry and bracing myself for the next insult to my body and often dignity.

My guard is way up. This must be similar to how a soldier feels returning to life after being in battle.

This is the guy who tries to live in gratitude as much as possible. I try to count my blessings all the time. Maybe I have lost track of that lately.

Here is the Blessing Count: Cancer out of my blood, being married to the ChickenHawk, two beautiful daughters, a wonderful supportive family, a community that is the best that I can imagine and helped my family through a really really rough patch, I have a job to go back to and the list could go on and on.

OK , that helped. It is a big transition. I can start making long term plans again. I will see my kids grow. I will be a husband to my wife rather than a patient. I can plan on a future instead of saying, “that would be nice to do… if I’m feeling up to it.” Training will have meaning, like I’m not gonna’ die before whatever-it-is that I am training for.

Still, my life is different than it was a year ago. I am still trying to find the new normal. I’ll do it one step at a time.
There is more to write but I’m tired. I’ll try to post more soon.
Thanks for reading and thanks for your support

23 comments:

Donna Mc said...

Spence, that is WONDERFUL. The best news I've heard since at least Nov 4. ;) I am so happy for you and everyone around you. Take good care. I plan to be visiting in the spring and until then, warm hugs from Oregon.

Love,
Donna

Anonymous said...

Me = speechless (almost unheard of)

I am (beyond words) so happy for you Spence. & the girls. So happy. So amazing, all of it.

Much, much, love, Noey

Anonymous said...

Beutiful,
Mike D.

KAYAKRAY said...

It's going to be a magical holiday for you Spence. Jenni and I could not be happier for you.

Ray

Bill said...

Awesome news, I am so happy for you.

Anonymous said...

Sssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
love,pantani.

Lilka and Dave said...

Spencer!!!! YES!!!! We're so happy for you, Sarah and the girls! And everyone! Yahoooo!!!

Heather said...

Wow, Spence, thanks for the best Christmas present yet - amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhh! Huge smiles here in our house. Here's to a healthy New Year. Happy Hannukah!
We love you!
H

bikesgonewild said...

...what a wonderful thing to hear, spencer !!!...
...you honestly deserve good news...you've weathered so much in such a short (?) time...

...as far as trying to find the "new normal"...it's convenient for most folks to forget that life IS "one step at a time"...life IS transitory but we all like to get comfortable & stand back from the edge...

...so, enjoy your family & keep riding that trainer...you've gotta lotta smiles n' miles to make up for, pal...

Marc and Laurence said...

I feel incredible incredible joy for you right now - you deserve this more than anyone has ever deserved anything! Thanks for sharing the good news - I feel much happier today!

Cheers,
Marc Goddard

Anonymous said...

Spencer, we are so very happy to hear this news! We are wearing big smiles today! Lots of love and hugs to you, Sarah & the girls

Joe & Margrit

Anonymous said...

YES! Merry Christmas, Spencer! There's nothing normal about you--you are the Spencer! Yeeeaahaaw!

love,

-M

Anonymous said...

FUCK YES. You are my hero. At a time of scarcity you have reminded me of the abundance in the world. I love you Spencer, for your courage, your willingness to be helped, and your honesty.

What a gift you are.

Ad

Anonymous said...

way to grind it out Spencer-keep grinding and grinding and finding the positive. There is always a positive somewhere in everything.
Tom

Anonymous said...

Wonderful! Terrific! Unbelievable!
I hoped so hard for you. I think lots of people did.
Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

thru tears of joy, we send love to all of you! Nana & Papa

aideellady said...

Truly, the best news I have heard all year. Hands Down.
Looking forward to being part of the continued healing.
love love love
aidee lady

Judi said...

spencer - i am so so sorry i haven't seen this until now. i am so very happy for you and your family! this is the best possible news! i can't wait to hear about your first ride out.....take care! xxoo-judi

ronaldo said...

My buddy Spence... there is a Santa after all! Congrats my friend. I am not a very religious person, but I've prayed for you and Kelly and Lars a lot. I know that there is a River God. I am sure there is a Velo God, and I hope that all the Gods reward you with something a litle extra for all that you and your family has gone through and how hard you have fought this with your head held high. And Sarah too, your true life buddy. To see our kids grow older, to see your girls grow older, what a present. Wish I was there to see the smile on your face and give you a great big hug. Mele Kalikimaka Rubins! Macedo's.

Bobbie H said...

Spencer,
Great news!!!! I always knew all the incredible love and support surrounding you would cure you.
Merry Christmas.
Love,
Bobbie

bikesgonewild said...

...spencer...w/ a little rachmaninoff in the background, i wanna send a warm season's greeting to you, sarah, your girls & not just your immediate family but every person who's extended a kind thought or helping hand in your direction...

...you have plenty of good miles to go, bud but you've been on a remarkable journey literally through the valley of the shadow of death & despite whatever fears you've had, you've carried yourself w/ such grace & composure...know that you do inspire others...

...time now for me to go out & appreciate the mud & the drizzle on the cross bike...life ain't just about sitting in the sunshine w/ a cool drink in yer hand...gotta go give thanks in my own little way...

...love to all...

Anonymous said...

spencer...another Marine saying "Yeah, though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, because I am the toughest mother in the valley"
guess who

wig said...

Hey Spence,
Just got home from 10 hours of work without a break and it is Christmas eve night. I am checking flows to see if Chamberlain is runnable in the morning and Laura is pushing me to open one gift after another. Looks like the rain will give me enough water for tomorrow and I read your blog among all these presents Laura is opening. My best gift ever, to know that you and your family are going to be fine. Hard work ahead but it is so nice to know things will just keep getting better. I won't need another present for a few years. Merry Christmas.
wig