I was just reading my little bio up there in the right hand corner of the page. "....fighting cancer so I can get back to all that stuff." What high hopes! My life has changed and changed permanently. I've got to change that bio. The truth is I am feeling ripped off, angry and sad. This weekend was a big freakin' let down. I had really fun events scheduled for both days and have been looking forward to them for a month or so. Instead I spent the weekend contemplating my mortality and feeling like poop. I am feeling a lot better today, no fever, cough is getting better blah blah blah ok it is good news. See my last post for explanations
Getting sick means another management issue. Another doctor that I have make appointments with, another set of meds to take. These IV antibiotics I am taking take me an extra 20 minutes 3x a day and not when I take my other meds. That means an extra hour a day of dealing with meds. Luckily it doesn't go on forever.
I am feeling ripped off from getting to live a "normal" life. I have to live the life of a cancer survivor. All the work, pain, constant vigilance, the lack of security about the future (both immediate and long term) are starting to wear on me. The luster of leaving the hospital is fading and the transition to life in general is kicking my ass right now. I get a lot of positive feedback from all of my friends about how I remain so positive, and I appreciate it. But jeeez my attitude sucks right now. I know that is OK. My plan is to roll with it until the wheels fall off of that ugly huffy.
Yesterday the IV that I inject the meds through needed to be redone. That means I have to call a home health nurse to do it. It is great that they come to me! The alternative would be an ER visit. So the nurse drove an hour from Roseville, started the IV looked at it with an "oh shit" look and said, "I just used the wrong IV." She pulled the needle out, went to the car to look for the right equipment and returned empty handed 20 minutes later. She drove all the way to her home in Folsom (45 min one way) got the right thing and drove back. I felt bad for her. But I was really feeling bad for me.
That's all for now thanks for reading