Black Mood

Two weeks since the last time my pelvis went out of joint. I've still got a lot of pain today. I haven't walked normal for months.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I took yet another Alleve today. God knows what it is doing to my kidneys. Such a hard call, to try to move the inflammation out medically and speed the recovery or tough it out and wait for the pain to go. Life without pain is becoming more of a memory than a reality. I am believing in it less and less.

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday

Days of spending hours in the saddle sweating, rolling, pushing power into the pedals. It is like a distant hope. I'm trying to look forward to it. Trying to count my blessings. It is just hard. I feel like I am missing crucial part of my life by staying off the bike.

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

My gut is starting to get fat. My legs are loosing their muscle and definition. My max heart rate is dropping by the day. Fitness is going away. I know I can get it back. I look forward to working on it. I just wish it could be now.

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not forsee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I'd like to top out a big climb feeling strong and ready for a couple more. I'd like to take a sprint once in a while. I'd like to feel like the cookies I am eating were earned. I'd like to come back from a big training ride and eat the frickin kitchen.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm...
I wanna see it painted black, painted black
Black as night, black as coal I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah